Howdy. Y’all know my name is Tim. My daddy done name me that way ‘cause o’ Timothy in the Bible, Greek for “truth-teller”. Kin folk who knew my Ma ‘member ha she cured my lyin’ mouth with a diet of soap, so since then I just have to call it as I see it, straight goods, nothing held back, ya hear? What some folks round these parts I thang-k call bein’ “abrasive”.
Speaking of the Good Book, I believe that to be true, every Goddamn word of it. I believe that Jonah lived in a whale’s belly, that Mary conceived of the Master without benefit of a man and that the Lord created the whole world in just under a week including the critters we see around us today.
I believe that Noah fit all of ‘em in that thar wooden boat o’ his and it floated to the top of Mt. Everest and when the flood waters receded and it rested in Turkey the marsupials got out and walked home to Australia and the penguins to Antarctica. Did I also tell you I believe in Nessie, Big Foot, UFO abductions and psychic healings?
Yes siree, I believe in miracles. Just like Senator James Inofe of Oklahoma who says that there is no AGW ‘cause its all down to “natural climate variation”. And if things got out of hand, not to worry, “God is up there”. Like me, Senator Inofe believes in the Resurrection but thinks climate modeling is utterly absurd.
Aren’t you comforted to know that possibly the next president of the United States, Mitt Romney, also prefers the Bible to the National Academy of Sciences as his guide to action, with the Book of Mormon as a back-up?
Yet Governor Romney and Senator Inofe, and I confess myself, are sorely lacking in one key article of contemporary religious faith that Saint Gore, the Sierra Club and all the Greenwash politicians want us to believe today. Namely that,
WE CAN CONTINUE TO GROW OUR POPULATIONS AND STILL MEET GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSION REDUCTION TARGETS.
Now dang it all THAT would be a miracle. Praise the Lord!