Thursday, February 5, 2009

PERSONALS: Man Seeking Ms. Ann Thrope

While reading a column in the Daily Mail, I noticed an ad from one of those on-line specialty dating services. It was called “Humanitarian Dating” (, and it was, upon scrutiny, designed so that members could “Meet friends who care about the world and its people.” Fascinating.

But does anyone know of an “Inhumane Dating” service that I might try? One where I could meet “friends” who cared about the world and all of its species, and who therefore couldn’t care less about the one species who was mismanaging them? The species whose club members typically breed carelessly and mindlessly like so much yeast in a Petri dish, unaware of the confines of its habitat and crowding out every other species from which it depends?

These websites have been characterized as bulletin boards for “do-gooders who seek same.” I rather think that they are for “feel-gooders” who don’t want to be told that they are up to no lasting good. People like “Vegan Vixen” who would reject me for eating a hamburger or throwing a plastic container into my garbage, yet ignore the emissions from the several children she conceived from more than one “partner” while scolding me for supporting cattle methane emissions. Such people can often be found at “anti-racism” protests that would intimidate and silence those who would question their open immigration agenda, which “Vegan Vixen” and her like adopted with the same utopian naivety as John Lennon and Yoko Ono once did.

We are all “together” you see, in one lifeboat. Therefore we must “love” our fellow third world passengers enough to invite them all over to sit with us on our one side of the vessel. A great recipe for seaworthiness in rough waters. Only by reducing our portions and leaving our front door wide open to the neighbours will we demonstrate that we care and thereby gain their cooperation. My questions to those like “Vegan Vixen” would be the same as those posed by “Karl”, who asked, “I do my travelling in Ontario like the Georgian Bay instead of flying around the world in jets to see exotic places, like most vegetarians I know like to do. What is bad or worse? Who emits more carbon---David Suzuki or the local cattle rancher?

The hypocrisy prize goes to “Ken” from California, though. A member of “Planet Earth Singles”, he describes himself as a “green real estate broker” who works with “developers and individual homeowners to both build green houses and to retro-fit existing structures.” In his words, he is “doing everything to lessen the impact of living on Mother Earth.” Doing everything, that is, but try to reduce the pool of potential customers for his green buildings, customers whose sheer numbers will erase all the benefits of his greening and retro-fitting that he does to “lessen” the impact of their living on Mother Earth.

Now if I was a younger man in search of a date, the woman I would seek would be much like the one I met visiting from Alaska last summer. She was more interested in simply surviving than living “green”. Like my mother, she carried a rifle, which she could disassemble, clean and reassemble effortlessly, and more impressively, had no compunction about firing it at predators of the human kind, those that would deprive her of life and liberty. For good measure, while she was at home, she found the company of her good friends, Smith and Wesson, most reassuring. A carnivore, she consumed vegetables as well, especially the ones first digested in the stomachs of the wild game she shot for dinner. And like dear old mom, she knew that the attributes of a good wife did not consist of a knowledge of Thai cooking, yoga or the sayings of the Delai Lama, but knowing how to grow food, and just as important, how to stop other people from taking it.

Come Kunstler’s Long Emergency, those are the kind of ‘dates’ a man should seek in these parts. A back-up to ward off starving marauders who live now as if the gravy train of state dependency will thrive forever as it does now on revenue from a carbon-based economy. A Ms. Ann Thrope.

I wonder if there is a website for catches like that?

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