WHO IS THE GREEN SHADOW?

Who is the “Green Shadow”? According to my Sustainability Dictionary, the “Green Shadow” is an American environmentalist. He is a “shadow” because he is apparently a

Tim Murray, nocturnal creature. In the broad daylight he is never seen (or heard) when fertility rates spike or borders overflow and the Census Bureau announces that another 3.4 million people made America their home this year. He knows and cares a lot about your individual “footprint” but not the total number of “feet” in the country. But he is feted and financially supported because only he knows what evil lurks in the hearts of hyper-consumers!

If caught maintaining their per capita consumption, Americans are sternly admonished in a sinister tone, “The weed of eco-crime bears bitter fruit. More individual consumption does not pay!” And then he slips away in his black cloak of moral superiority, back to the “green” building which is his lair, hidden a sprawling subdivision of green homes built by Centex corporation, and improved by the products of Home Depot, both benefactors of Nature Conservancy and the Conservation Fund.

The Green Shadow is a crime fighter of selective focus. He aims to reduce personal emissions but is oblivious to the number of extra emitters. His mission: to make people feel good about themselves. His motto: More and more people consuming less and less.

Although perceived as a liberal, his radio program can only be heard at the far right of the radio dial and is sponsored by the makers of “smart” cars. The Ford “Conscience”, The Dodge “Guilt-Absolver” and the Jeep “Holier than thou”. The narrator is a computer simulation of Orson Welles projected onto a very wide screen. It is rumored that Mr. Welles will soon be discharged from his role as the voice of environmentalism, because he apparently wants to warn the audience of an alien invasion, something too far fetched for environmentalists to believe in.

If you ever manage to catch the Green Shadow, it is pointless to argue with him. If you win the argument, then you are racist.

Tim Murray
July 9/09